Families are Forever

Today I went to see my oldest granddaughter Lizzie participate in her primary program.  Once a year in our church,  the children ages 3-11 put on our sacrament meeting program.  They learn new songs throughout the year, and then they practice really hard for several weeks leading up to it.  This year the theme was "Families are Forever".  As I looked up at those sweet little wiggly children, I remembered Kami participating in those programs as she grew up.  She attended primary along with the other children.  She had loved to participate in the program each year.  Much more than her brothers ever wanted to.  She was  one of those wiggly children of God.  As I listened to the children sing their songs today about families, it made me grateful that Heavenly Father trusted me enough to send three awesome children into our family.  Three adorable, head strong, loving, talented, athletic, spunky kids that grew into adulthood despite doing a few stupid things along the way.   They could not be more different even though they were raised pretty much the same way and they are definitely individuals with individual personalities.  This just goes to show how important good friends are because there comes a time when you are no longer the one that is spending as much time with them and your opinion just isn't quite as important as their friends.    As a parent, one of the hardest things that you watch. is your child making a wrong choice.  You can talk until you are blue in the face and let them know exactly what the outcome will be because you have lived or watched someone live certain experiences and know the outcomes.  They still have their free agency which is part of Heavenly Father's plan. 

When Kami was young, it was much easier to "control" those choices.  When your child is young, they don't know to "stay out of the street", "don't touch that or you will get burned", "don't talk to strangers" unless you tell them.  That is how they learn.   When she got into her teenage years, her choices changed and she became very rebellious.  My heart ached and I shed many tears during these  years.  I apologized to my own mother over and over for how I had treated her when I was a teenager.  I felt like a failure as a parent many times and still do.  It was so much simpler when she listened and my opinion mattered. I have been told by a few people that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle and he only sends the "hard to handle" kids to those people he knows will love them unconditionally no matter what.  ( I am not by any means saying that I am a better, stronger parent than anyone else)  I don't know what squirrel was running by and distracted me in the life before, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't listening when they said, "It's gonna be a bumpy ride, you better hang on and there is no getting off once the ride has started."    Had I been listening I would have jumped off the ride and said no I want an easier ride.  I want the merry go round, not the roller coaster. 




I am grateful to be a mom, I am grateful to be a grandma. I am humbled that the Lord thought that I could handle the tougher ride but I am very tired and want the ride to slow down.  I want Heavenly Father to wrap his arms around me and tell me that it will be ok. 

As the primary children sang today:


I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.
Families can be together forever, through Heavenly Father's plan,
I always want to be with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can,
The Lord has shown me how I can. 




I am hanging onto this hope with every fiber of my being.  I know I will see Kami again.  I hope she will be the happy Kami that we knew and not the anguished Kami that we struggled with.  Either way, it will be a blessing to see her again.    Kami, thank you for letting me be your mom and like it or not, Families are Forever!