A mother's sacrifice

At church today, another mother that lost a daughter, came in and said "Happy Easter" to me.  She then kissed me on the forehead and said, "we both appreciate this holiday so much more, don't we?"  It really made me stop and think about the sacrifice that one mother made years ago in order for me to see my Kami again.   I know I will see Kami again. In my heart of hearts, I know.    I am grateful for a savior that died for all of our sins so that I will be able to see her again.  

Last weekend I went down to spend some time with my Dan, April and my grandkids.  We had a wonderful weekend and during many moments, I enjoyed the fact that I was able to get in a car, drive four hours through a beautiful canyon, I enjoyed the fact that I can take a blow up a mattress and take turns sleeping in a different grandkid's bedrooms with them at night.  It is nice to be able to just talk one on one with them.  We took a long walk in Fruita and saw some beautiful homes and ended up getting a treat and soda at Quave. I enjoyed that we could play games together, even though they have to be extra patient with me explaining the rules sometime.    I appreciate every moment I get to spend with my family.  

The weekend before that, Ryan and Jess came over and shared some awesome news with us.  We are going to be grandparents again.  I am so excited to have another grandchild and a sweet baby on this earth.  I hope Kami is hanging out with that little spirit as much as possible and telling them how lucky they will be to be born into the Harper family.  I hope she is telling them about special memories she has with our family.

 

Each time one of these events happen, I think so much about Kami and about the fact that she is missing out being here with us for these events.  I know everyone says that she is with us in spirit, but I wish she could be here in body to enjoy these little nieces and nephews.  She loved Dan and April's kids and I know she would love Ryan and Jess's little ones also.  She would be amazed that we now have 6 dogs between all of us.  The ratio of grand dogs to grandchildren, is larger at this point until the new little Harper arrives.

People talk about the trials that we have to go through in our lives and how they make us grow.  There are many that I don't understand.   I hope we can ask questions on the other side. What did I need to learn by losing Kami.  Why couldn't I have been taught another way.  This is so hard.   Maybe losing Kami has made me appreciate the little things that I used to take for granted.  Maybe I squeeze my kids and grandkids a little tighter each time I see them because you never know if you will get that chance again.  

Today in Sunday school we watched the video of Christ's crucifixion and so many things stuck out to me.  One being that when Ceasar said, what shall we do with this man and a man in the crowd yelled out, "crucify him" and then in turn everyone around him started to chant that. It just goes to show that one person can change the direction of so many.    At this same time, it shows his mother Mary, crying out, "save my son".  My heart ached for Mary and in that moment, I was one with Mary.  I could understand the heartache she went through.  What an awful thing she went through to have to watch her child be nailed to a cross and suffer knowing that there was no way to save him.  That would have been excruciating.  I didn't watch Kami die and I honestly don't think I could have survived that if I would have.  Learning of her death after the fact, was torture.  

I want Mary to know, from one heartbroken mother to another, that I am so grateful for her sacrifice that she made so that I will be able to see Kami again.  From one mother to another, Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.  The picture below, shows what makes my heart happy.  I am grateful to be a grandma.