I Choose

I have made a decision.    The anniversary of Kami's death, August 29th, came and went.  She has been gone four years now.  I have decided that I choose to remember Kami alive, not Kami gone.  Yes the date in August was a life changing event but life changing in a sad way.  May 27, 1992 was a life changing event in a happy way.  I choose to be grateful for the day I became Kami's mom.  I choose to remember the beautiful little girl that was put into my arms that morning.  Her sweet spirit brought so much joy into our home.  Her brothers would probably have had another little brother but they were sweet and kind with her.  I choose to remember her excitement with animals.  She was so excited to get her first parakeet.  She would take them out of the cage and carry them around and kiss their beaks.  She gave them fun names, one that I remember is Sprite.  Sprite was a yellow and green parakeet.
I choose to remember Kami at dance recitals. She loved music, many different types.   I choose to remember Kami when she learned to swim.  I had taken her to swimming lessons and she didn't want to have much to do with them.  One day my Aunt Marian and I were sitting out by her pool ,and the boys and Kami were in the pool.  Marian looked over and then said to me.  "Lori, look at Kami, she is swimming".  Kami did things her own way and in her own time frame.  I choose to remember a girl that could wear her hair in a pony tail and a pair of sweats and a T-Shirt and look beautiful.  I choose to remember a girl that loved to tie dye everything!  I remember going out in the back yard one time with her and learning how to tie dye.  Yes it was fun.  I could see why she loved it.  I choose to remember a girl that was a good friend.  She would have given the shirt off her back for her friends.  On the flipside, I choose to remember her friends.  She had some great ones that were very patient and loving towards her when she could be a little challenging.  I am so grateful to these friends that come each year to the walk and put on the Remember Kami shirts to walk. 

I choose to remember a girl who had a great relationship with her Grandma Betty.  I know that Grandma Betty was there to greet her when she left this earth.  Grandma Betty used to let Kami pull out her cans and groceries and play grocery store with her.  Grandma Betty used to make ritz cracker sandwiches with ham and peanut butter on them.  (I know that sounds gross, but Ryan and Kami and Dan swore by them).  I choose to remember a girl that was fierce on the soccer field.  She had the ability to see the whole field and place her shots where they needed to be.  Her senior year, she had the choice to move up to another level of team and she chose to stay behind with the girl's she had been playing with.  The coach was not very good and none of the girl's liked him.  Kami chose to make the best of it and supported him.  (much better than I could have) and when they lost their goalie towards the end of the season, Kami played goalie.  She had not played goalie since she was about 5 or 6 but she did it because the team needed her to. 

I choose to find the joy that she brought into my life and not concentrate on her death.  Every one of us will die someday.  Like it or not, there is only one way off this earth.  Some of us will live to be very old, some of us not so long. Unfortunately Kami wasn't so long on this earth.   I know that I will see Kami again when I die.  I choose to look forward to that big hug that I hope she will be standing there waiting to give me.  I choose to be grateful that God had the faith in me to be Kami's mom on this earth.  I choose to make the best life I can until it is my time to leave this earth. 

I Choose.