Support

I am writing this blog because I attended my first support group this week.  It is for survivor parents of children who have committed suicide.  There were about 20 to 25 people in attendance and I guess last month they had been filmed by a local news channel for a piece they were doing on suicide awareness/prevention.  There were a handful of dad's there but mostly mom's.  They showed the news pieces and discussed them.  Then everyone went around the room and talked about their child, who they were, and what had happened to them.  It was going on about 2 1/2 hours at this point.  It came to me and I started to share my story about Kami when a gentleman who had lost his son just five weeks ago, stopped breathing and had some sort of attack.  Luckily we had some people with medical knowledge there and 911 was called and he started breathing again and the paramedics came and took him to be checked. 


I looked at the friend that I had gone with and said "did I do that".. I know I really didn't but I don't know that I will be invited back!!!  (Just kidding)


The thing that I heard the most that night, through the heart wrenching stories, are the heroic efforts of parents who tried to get help for their children.   They loved/love their kids with all their hearts.  No matter the age, boy or girl, these children belonged to a parent that would give their lives for them.  The guilt that was felt in that room could have filled up the entire building we were in.  I don't know how many times I heard, if only, what if, if I had known...it was surreal to look around this room and realize that each of these parents in that room had been brought to their knees and have felt the kind of pain that no parent should ever feel. The kind of pain that you don't think you will ever be able to drag yourself out of.  The kind of pain that hits you in the gut so hard you can't get up.  The kind of pain that you never know what will trigger a memory, and bring you to uncontrollable sobs.  The fact the other people truly know how you feel is a support.  There were some people there that had lost children as long as 25 years ago and some that had lost them as little as 5 weeks ago.  There were more parents of males than females.  That probably has something to do with statistics.  I'm still learning the odds.  There were parents from all walks of life.  Some of their children were affected by severe mental illnesses, and others said they had no idea until it actually happened.  There is no scarlet letter, big sign, etc. that says: hey I might go out and kill myself today.  If you were walking by one of these parents on the street, you would have no idea that they had lost a child in such a horrific way.   


In 2013 (the most recent year for which full data are available), 41,149 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans.   In that year, someone in the country died by suicide every 12.8 minutes. Colorado ranks #7 in the nation for suicides behind:


1- Alaska
2- Wyoming
3 - South Dakota
4 - North Dakota
5 - Montana
6 - New Mexico


It is a disease that needs to be brought to the attention of everyone.  Not too long after Kami died we had someone tell us that is in the funeral business that 1 out of 2 funerals they had been dealing with, was a suicide. When given the opportunity, talk about it.  It is not a subject that can be ignored.  I lost my brother to it almost 20 years ago and it hasn't gone away.  The casualties left behind are numerous and sometimes devastated to the point they can't recover.  When you see that someone is having a bad day, take a minute to make it a better one.  A smile can go along way.  Be someone's support.  In honor of support, I would like to end with a funny:


Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box
That one is for you Kami!