28 could be great!

I took a walk this morning on a beautiful trail with my Ollie Puppy.  It was perfect weather, the sun was out and the sky was blue.  Birds were chirping, the little fire ants were moving along keeping busy between their mounds and the trails and weeds.  I was walking along and talking to Kami.  I told her I missed her and that I wish she was there to walk with me.  I apologized to her for not being a better mom.  I told her I missed her with every fiber of my being.  Grief is an interesting thing.  It has almost been six years since we lost her.  You would think that I wouldn't feel that ache in my heart and the pit of my stomach just like it was yesterday.  Don't get me wrong, I have days when I am okay.  I think about her many times during those days but the thoughts can come and go and I am okay.  For some reason, this week, my heart is aching like it was yesterday.  Maybe because it is a quiet memorial day this year where there isn't anywhere to be or anything to do, I am not sure.  I just know that in two days on the 27th, she would be 28 years old.  For me she will be forever 22 though.  Way too young to leave me and her dad here on this earth without her.  Since this pandemic has been the new way of life, I have wondered how she would have done with it.  In some ways I think she would have been fine because I know she liked her along and quiet time.  In other ways, I think she might have struggled because she definitely liked to be around friends also.  I will admit that I am a little jealous that she hasn't had to deal with the face mask thing.  That part would have been hard, she NEVER liked being told what to do.  On the other hand, she was definitely all about peace and serenity.  I wish that on the 27th, I could take off a half of day of work and go to lunch with her.  I wish I could go get a pedicure with her, I wish I could just see her smile.  I wish I could give her a hug and tell her I am sorry I wasn't a better mom.  Birthday's come and go but it is much more fun for everyone when the birthday girl is here.  Kami Harper, I miss you.  Happy Birthday to my baby girl.