I was the co-chair in charge of the AFSP Community Out of Darkness walk this year. I started working on it in December of 2017 and the walk wasn't until September 22, 2018. There is so much that goes into making the walk successful. So many volunteers give of their time and means to make it happen. The reason I participate in this walk, is because I want to get the word out about preventing suicide. If I can help one person, then I have done my job. I have met some amazing, strong people through working on the walk. Each one of us are involved with the walk for varying reasons, some have lost spouses, some children, some siblings, some cousins, some nieces, some nephews, etc. Each one of us are in a different stage of grief. These stages can change on a daily, sometimes minute by minute basis. No matter the reason or the stage, we are involved and happy to help.
I met some amazing people at the walk and leading up to the walk. I had the privilege of giving a speech before the walk began. There was a family sitting right down in the front and they were all crying. Once the opening ceremonies were over, I walked up to them and asked if I could give them a hug. There was a mother, her daughters and her parents. She told me that she had lost her son just a few months earlier. I told her that it doesn't get any easier, but it does get different. I told her I didn't want to lie to her. It will never be easy. It did mean the world to me that I was able to hug them and talk to them. I hope they felt some hope that day. I am grateful that I can be a source of strength to someone. I am grateful that I have sources of strength in my life as well.
My mom and Aunt flew out from Utah to help with the walk. I put them to work from the second they landed until late in the afternoon on Saturday. They were so willing to chip in and help where needed. They love Kami and I know they would do anything for her and everyone else in my family. What a sacrifice they made. I also had Ryan's girlfriend Jess, and his friend Alex's wife Kelly help with registration. I had two co-workers helping the day of the walk. I had several co-workers, both past and present, walking for Kami. I also had several church friends that came to walk for Kami as well as Kami's friends were there. It takes a village. I am so thankful for the people in my village.
People ask me "Are you going to be in charge again? It was such a huge job"? I say "yes I will, at least one more year, they ask if you will commit to two years". I have one walk under my belt now and hopefully it will be a little easier next year.
I walk to bring awareness, I organize the walk to bring awareness. I walk because I love Kami, I walk to support others in my shoes. You never have to walk alone!
Saturday, October 13, 2018
I Choose
I have made a decision. The anniversary of Kami's death, August 29th, came and went. She has been gone four years now. I have decided that I choose to remember Kami alive, not Kami gone. Yes the date in August was a life changing event but life changing in a sad way. May 27, 1992 was a life changing event in a happy way. I choose to be grateful for the day I became Kami's mom. I choose to remember the beautiful little girl that was put into my arms that morning. Her sweet spirit brought so much joy into our home. Her brothers would probably have had another little brother but they were sweet and kind with her. I choose to remember her excitement with animals. She was so excited to get her first parakeet. She would take them out of the cage and carry them around and kiss their beaks. She gave them fun names, one that I remember is Sprite. Sprite was a yellow and green parakeet.
I choose to remember Kami at dance recitals. She loved music, many different types. I choose to remember Kami when she learned to swim. I had taken her to swimming lessons and she didn't want to have much to do with them. One day my Aunt Marian and I were sitting out by her pool ,and the boys and Kami were in the pool. Marian looked over and then said to me. "Lori, look at Kami, she is swimming". Kami did things her own way and in her own time frame. I choose to remember a girl that could wear her hair in a pony tail and a pair of sweats and a T-Shirt and look beautiful. I choose to remember a girl that loved to tie dye everything! I remember going out in the back yard one time with her and learning how to tie dye. Yes it was fun. I could see why she loved it. I choose to remember a girl that was a good friend. She would have given the shirt off her back for her friends. On the flipside, I choose to remember her friends. She had some great ones that were very patient and loving towards her when she could be a little challenging. I am so grateful to these friends that come each year to the walk and put on the Remember Kami shirts to walk.
I choose to remember a girl who had a great relationship with her Grandma Betty. I know that Grandma Betty was there to greet her when she left this earth. Grandma Betty used to let Kami pull out her cans and groceries and play grocery store with her. Grandma Betty used to make ritz cracker sandwiches with ham and peanut butter on them. (I know that sounds gross, but Ryan and Kami and Dan swore by them). I choose to remember a girl that was fierce on the soccer field. She had the ability to see the whole field and place her shots where they needed to be. Her senior year, she had the choice to move up to another level of team and she chose to stay behind with the girl's she had been playing with. The coach was not very good and none of the girl's liked him. Kami chose to make the best of it and supported him. (much better than I could have) and when they lost their goalie towards the end of the season, Kami played goalie. She had not played goalie since she was about 5 or 6 but she did it because the team needed her to.
I choose to find the joy that she brought into my life and not concentrate on her death. Every one of us will die someday. Like it or not, there is only one way off this earth. Some of us will live to be very old, some of us not so long. Unfortunately Kami wasn't so long on this earth. I know that I will see Kami again when I die. I choose to look forward to that big hug that I hope she will be standing there waiting to give me. I choose to be grateful that God had the faith in me to be Kami's mom on this earth. I choose to make the best life I can until it is my time to leave this earth.
I Choose.
I choose to remember Kami at dance recitals. She loved music, many different types. I choose to remember Kami when she learned to swim. I had taken her to swimming lessons and she didn't want to have much to do with them. One day my Aunt Marian and I were sitting out by her pool ,and the boys and Kami were in the pool. Marian looked over and then said to me. "Lori, look at Kami, she is swimming". Kami did things her own way and in her own time frame. I choose to remember a girl that could wear her hair in a pony tail and a pair of sweats and a T-Shirt and look beautiful. I choose to remember a girl that loved to tie dye everything! I remember going out in the back yard one time with her and learning how to tie dye. Yes it was fun. I could see why she loved it. I choose to remember a girl that was a good friend. She would have given the shirt off her back for her friends. On the flipside, I choose to remember her friends. She had some great ones that were very patient and loving towards her when she could be a little challenging. I am so grateful to these friends that come each year to the walk and put on the Remember Kami shirts to walk.
I choose to remember a girl who had a great relationship with her Grandma Betty. I know that Grandma Betty was there to greet her when she left this earth. Grandma Betty used to let Kami pull out her cans and groceries and play grocery store with her. Grandma Betty used to make ritz cracker sandwiches with ham and peanut butter on them. (I know that sounds gross, but Ryan and Kami and Dan swore by them). I choose to remember a girl that was fierce on the soccer field. She had the ability to see the whole field and place her shots where they needed to be. Her senior year, she had the choice to move up to another level of team and she chose to stay behind with the girl's she had been playing with. The coach was not very good and none of the girl's liked him. Kami chose to make the best of it and supported him. (much better than I could have) and when they lost their goalie towards the end of the season, Kami played goalie. She had not played goalie since she was about 5 or 6 but she did it because the team needed her to.
I choose to find the joy that she brought into my life and not concentrate on her death. Every one of us will die someday. Like it or not, there is only one way off this earth. Some of us will live to be very old, some of us not so long. Unfortunately Kami wasn't so long on this earth. I know that I will see Kami again when I die. I choose to look forward to that big hug that I hope she will be standing there waiting to give me. I choose to be grateful that God had the faith in me to be Kami's mom on this earth. I choose to make the best life I can until it is my time to leave this earth.
I Choose.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)