Happy 25th Birthday

Today is one of those bittersweet days.  Kami would be 25 today.  Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that I would outlive my baby.  We were so excited to have a girl after two rambunctious boys. I was so excited to dress her up, do her hair, play dolls, buy pink things and love her.
I was getting ready to go to a youth group activity at church on the 26th of May and I started to feel pains, I stayed home and by 10 p.m. we headed to the hospital.  By the time we got checked in it was about midnight.  My boys had taken 12 and 28 hours to come,  so I told Bud to go home and check on the boys and the neighbor boy we had staying with them.  He went home and fell asleep and about 4 I had to call him and tell him to get back to the hospital cause she was in a hurry to join us.  He walked in just in time.  A little after 5 a.m. on the 27th of May she came into our little family.  👶
The boys were so excited when they came to visit her at the hospital.  Ryan asked if he could "pet" her.  (Little did he know she was going to be a lot more of  pain to him and his brother than a pet).

Dan was such a big help.  He was 8 years old so he could get bottles, diapers, keep an eye on her if I had to leave the room.  Ryan just liked to hold her and play with her and make her smile.  Just like Kami being in a hurry to get here, she was in a hurry to grow up.  She always wanted to keep up with her brothers.  She took dance, tried t-ball, softball, mountain bike racing, and soccer.  She excelled at soccer.  She was so much fun to watch. 💋

She had a strong spirit.  She loved the mountains, her dogs, all animals, her family, music, Trevor Hall among other artists,  her niece's and nephew, her friends and her vices.  Kami was a leader.  She tended to gravitate towards quiet girls.  She could be bossy and seemed to fit best with quiet ones.  She had some amazing friends growing up.  Girls that have become women now and I still smile when I hear from one of them or see them.  I have talked about her quote book that she left behind and the quotes that she used to write on the white board in her room before.  

One of the quotes she had was: "You know that children are growing up when they start to ask questions that have answers".   I wish I would have had the answers for Kami.  I wish I could have made her happy and want to stay.  She also had the quote "I can resist anything but temptation".  That was very true of Kami and was what led her to make that final decision.  

I have found that as the time has passed since Kami died, I am a changed person.  I struggle some days getting through them.  It doesn't get easier with time, it just becomes your normal.  I see mom's and daughters together and my heart hurts.  I miss her.  I miss little Kami's.  I miss the chance of seeing her have  a "daughter just like her".  There is a quote that she had in her book that sums up how I feel each day.  

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal".

This is my normal now.  Happy Birthday Kami Ann Harper.  I love and miss you with all my heart.💔

Relief

I'm not sure that relief is the correct term but I will use it for this post.  Today Jeff Rodocker was sentenced to 60 years to life in prison for his latest crimes.  It was with mixed emotions that I went to the sentencing.  Nothing will bring Kami back.  However, the fact that he will be locked up and unable to prey on young women and hurt them is huge.
I met one of the victims today also.  She looks so young and so relieved.  She is alive.  That is the important thing.  He didn't take her down to the total depth that she could have hit.  I am incredibly grateful to the prosecutors that tried this case and to the one's that represented Kami.  They were all there for his sentencing.
A few of the jurors that had found Jeff guilty came to the sentencing also and I was able to shake their hands and tell them thank you from the bottom of my heart. They were also full of emotion from sitting on the jury and hearing about the awful things Jeff did.  They have my deepest respect.
Jeff did incredible things to these two women.  I know there are countless others and I don't like to think about what he must have done and did to  Kami.  She was in her own little hell.
When he walked in, he was wearing the gray prison jumpsuit and sandals.  He had chains on his ankles and wrists.  I moved over and sat behind someone so I didn't have to look at him.  He did not get up and speak or take responsibility at any point during the trial or today.  I wish at some point he would have said he was was sorry or admitted guilt but that is too much to ask I guess.
 It is so hard for me to fathom that there is pure evil out there and my daughter unfortunately came in contact with it.  I am thankful for a justice system that worked.  You seem to hear about the negative things with justice but this had a very positive outcome.
Kami would have been 25 coming up on the 27th of May.  25 years ago I got to hold that blond haired blue eyed baby girl in my arms and thanked my heavenly father for her.  I am grateful that the lord had enough faith in me to be her mom.  I may not have been the best mom to Kami but I tried my hardest and would have given my life for hers.
I love you Kami Ann Harper.
http://kdvr.com/2017/05/15/drug-dealer-convicted-of-kidnapping-and-sexually-assault-sentenced-to-60-years/