Bah Humbug

I am having a really hard time this year even wanting to put up our Christmas tree.  I normally put it up the day after Thanksgiving.  We were out of town this year and that is part of it but I just don't have it in me this year.  I actually came home from work tonight and asked Bud to bring it up so that I could "get it over with".  We are having some people over on Christmas Eve so I didn't want to seem like a scrooge and figured I better put up at least a minimum of Christmas stuff. 
In the past, Kami helped me put up the Christmas tree.  Normally on Christmas Eve we fondue.  Last year we didn't.  We decided to barbeque steaks instead.  I remember Kami came in and was pretty devastated because we had switched it up. She and Jeff had been in Hawaii and she came home the day before Christmas Eve.  I hadn't had a chance to tell her we were doing something different.   Had I known it was her last, I would have made sure that we did the fondue.  I told her we would do it next year which is now this year.


We are going to barbeque steaks instead.  The fun of doing certain traditions are just not the same.  Our family is changing.  Dan and April are wanting to create their own memories with their little family. I don't blame them.   Ryan is all grown up and Kami is gone.  I am really struggling with these changes.  So many people look forward to the empty nest, I don't like it.  I like the nest to be full.  These changes are tough.  It has been 3 months since Kami passed away.  Is it easier?  No, I don't think so.  Everyone has gone on with their lives.  I don't blame them, I have gone on to an extent.  Not because I want to, because I have to get up each morning when that alarm goes off and go to work and get through another day.  Life goes on.