Keep a prayer in your heart!

I just wanted to thank everyone for the prayers.  I feel the strength from them.  Last week I was at the Chili's where Ryan used to work and his old manager came up to me and said she was trying to figure out where she knew me.  I told her I was Ryan's mom.  She came over and gave me a big hug and told me "I pray for your family every single day".  She hugged me when I was leaving the restaurant and said she would continue to pray for me.    I can't tell you how many times I have heard this from people.  "We are praying for you".  Three months ago I wanted to get in my bed and curl up and give die.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the prayers are what get me up every day and make me put one foot in front of the other.  I pray every day for my heavenly father to wrap Kami in his arms and tell her how much I love and miss her.     I want her to know she is loved and missed.  This Christmas is going to be a tough one.  No matter how many people are sitting around the table at dinner, playing the present game, opening presents, going to our Christmas day movie, we are one short.  We will be for the rest of our lives.  Please keep praying for us.  We are going to continue to need the strength to get out of bed each day.  .  There are so many holes in our hearts.   The prayers are helping to plug the holes.  Thank you.

Bah Humbug

I am having a really hard time this year even wanting to put up our Christmas tree.  I normally put it up the day after Thanksgiving.  We were out of town this year and that is part of it but I just don't have it in me this year.  I actually came home from work tonight and asked Bud to bring it up so that I could "get it over with".  We are having some people over on Christmas Eve so I didn't want to seem like a scrooge and figured I better put up at least a minimum of Christmas stuff. 
In the past, Kami helped me put up the Christmas tree.  Normally on Christmas Eve we fondue.  Last year we didn't.  We decided to barbeque steaks instead.  I remember Kami came in and was pretty devastated because we had switched it up. She and Jeff had been in Hawaii and she came home the day before Christmas Eve.  I hadn't had a chance to tell her we were doing something different.   Had I known it was her last, I would have made sure that we did the fondue.  I told her we would do it next year which is now this year.


We are going to barbeque steaks instead.  The fun of doing certain traditions are just not the same.  Our family is changing.  Dan and April are wanting to create their own memories with their little family. I don't blame them.   Ryan is all grown up and Kami is gone.  I am really struggling with these changes.  So many people look forward to the empty nest, I don't like it.  I like the nest to be full.  These changes are tough.  It has been 3 months since Kami passed away.  Is it easier?  No, I don't think so.  Everyone has gone on with their lives.  I don't blame them, I have gone on to an extent.  Not because I want to, because I have to get up each morning when that alarm goes off and go to work and get through another day.  Life goes on. 

I'm Thankful for my Family

We just returned from a weekend in Moab.  One of the last family trips we took with Kami back in May of 2013 was to Moab.  She loved it down there.  We all do.  We rented a condo and all of us stayed together.  My mom and her friend Grandma Pat drove down and had Thanksgiving dinner with us and we went to see the Penguins of Madagascar.  If any of you have ever gone to the movies in Moab, I highly suggest you get there early.  I'm so used to the 24 plex in Highlands Ranch and you can walk in at starting time or later and usually get a really good seat.  We walked in right on time in Moab and all of the seats are pretty much at the same level and we were stuck on the second row off on the right side.  Talk about a crick in your neck!!  The movie was cute but learned a valuable lesson about showing up early.


Mom and Pat came over to see us on Saturday morning  and shared some awesome cinnamon rolls that April had made, and then they took off to stop by and see my niece in Price and head back to Orem.  Bud's sister and her two kids and their spouses, came down on Saturday afternoon.  We hiked up to an arch that we had been to a couple of times.  We had from ages 1 to 70 with us.  It was a beautiful afternoon.  A little chilly but not too bad.  We went to a beautiful spot and Dan and Ryan had brought some music up with a little speaker.  We listened to some of Kami's favorite tunes and just enjoyed the moment.  No one really talked, it was pretty quiet.  Bud walked over to the edge of a cliff and said that he felt a breeze and knew it was Kami.  When he told me that later, I thought, she definitely is on the other side because she wasn't a quiet breeze on this side.  She was usually a loud storm.  We finished our hike over to the arch and took some pictures of the area.  Several people mentioned that it was good to just have time to reflect and think about Kami. It was a bittersweet moment to be there with our family yet not all of our family.  It will never be the same.  Our family is forever changed and one member short. 
On another note, I got to spend some fun time with the three grandkids while the other adults went Frisbee golfing.  I took them to the petting zoo at the Hole in the Rock and Lizzie and Mel got to ride Luke the camel.  They got to feed the animals until one of the over excited ostriches stole the bucket of food right out of Melody's hand.  We played at a playground and colored and read books.  They are such a blessing to me.  They love me unconditionally and I love them with all my heart.  I am thankful for my family, especially the grandkids.  They make me smile.