Golden Birthday

Tomorrow on May 27, 2019 Kami would have been 27 years old.  It is actually memorial day as well.  Each year tugs at my heart but I think the fact the she would be 27 on the 27th, it is tugging at my heart even more.  It is so hard to believe that I have not seen her smile for almost 5 years and I have not heard her loud burps in that long.  That girl could out burp any man.  She was very proud of that quality.    All day long the words should have,  could have, would have, should of have been going through my mind. 

I should have been a better mom, I should have realized that Kami was on the verge of taking her life,  I should have been able to save her.  I should have enjoyed my kids more when they were kids instead of worrying if the house was clean.  I should have stepped in and really tried to get Kami away from Jeff.  I should have taken more pictures so that I could find those lost treasures and bring back the memories that each of those pictures represent. 

I could have been more understanding of Kami's free spirit.  I could have loved her more and argued less.  I could have spent more time with Kami doing things with her that meant a lot to her.  I could have learned to like Trevor Hall's music before she died so that I could have discussed it with her and not discovered that I liked it after she was gone.

Had I known that I was only going to get to spend 22 years with her, I would have made the most of them better, I would have done the things that I listed above, I would have been able to plan something special for her golden birthday tomorrow. 

There are so many should haves, could haves, and would haves in all of our lives.  Please learn to make the most of all of those moments and realize that each moment shouldn't be taken for granted.  Life is short.  Enjoy it.  Hug your daughters for me as often as possible and remember how lucky you are to have them by your side.