I was able to spend the last two weekends with my oldest son, daughter in law, and my 3 favorite grandchildren helping them move from Montrose, Colorado to Fruita, Colorado. This past weekend, my other son and his girlfriend came with me. We worked hard, we carried, moved, unloaded, sweated, and even helped paint a living room. On the drive to Grand Junction, my son mentioned something on his bucket list that he wanted to do. I pondered that thought during the weekend. My bucket list includes being with my family. The older I get, the more I realize that the material things don't matter. The time things do. When you leave this earth, you don't take anything of earthly value with you. You do take the memories and pieces of people's hearts. I hope that my boys will continue to be friends when I am gone. I hope that their children will know each other, spend time together, and make some fun memories. My grandkids, hugged and kissed me and I hugged and kissed them. I told them over and over how much I love them.
It was mentioned as we were driving back home that families can be a bit crazy at times. I don't know of anyone that has a family that gets along all the time. If they say they do, they are probably lying. Families come in all different shapes and sizes and circumstances and personalities. At the end of the day though, your family has your back. Friends will come and go in your life, but you will always be connected to your famil. Good or bad as that seems, their is always a connection.
While we were there this weekend, we went on a hike up Dinosaur Hill. The last time I hiked there was with Kami and her husband on the way back from an open house we had for them over in Utah with our family and friends. The memory I keep from that trip is not of Kami's husband and that part of her life, but of Kami and her Dad catching lizards on the hike. She loved to do that with her dad. I can't tell you how many lizards my children have brought home over the years. Many of them are buried in our back yard. A few of Kami's are buried at Red Rocks. On this trip, my grand dog Haze was the lizard hunter. He found great joy in digging his nose down into the bushes and even tried to dig one out of the dirt with his paws. I got to the top of the hill, and caught my breath (boy I'm old and out of shape), I looked around and thought how much Kami is missing not being here with our family. Then I thought, maybe she isn't missing these times, maybe she is allowed to spend moments with us. I pray often to feel her spirit around me. I am not sure that I have for a while. I remember being told once by someone that each time we think of our loved ones, they are allowed to dwell in our hearts for a moment.
We drove up and around the National Monument and stopped at some lookouts. I listened to the quiet and looked out over the beautiful view and thought to myself, God made a beautiful world. If God can make a beautiful world, he can take care of my Kami. I pray that she is at peace and I pray that she is still with our family on the adventures that we have. She is a forever piece of my heart.
She would have been 26 yesterday. I thought of her so many times throughout the day. Those days don't get easier. My two granddaughters mentioned her a few times. My middle one asks about things that she liked all of the time. She was very young when Kami died. All of them were. My grandson was only 1. He has no memory of her. The thing I want Kami to know is that we had her back. We wanted her to be OK, we wanted her to be part of our adventures here on earth.
She would love all of the grand dogs. We have four of them now. Large and small. Kami would have been in the center of them. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have so many grand dogs. I love them all.
I need to learn to take the quiet moments and listen and feel. My heart is broken and will never heal, but there are times when the hurt is tolerable. There are times when it is as fresh as the day she died. Bottom line though is that my family is my everything. The reason I breathe. My hope is for them to know that I have their backs. Yes, we are imperfect but to me we are perfect. I am blessed.
