We just got back from a cruise that we took with our oldest son, his wife and 3 adorable grand kids. It is the first time in about 20 years that I have taken 5 days in a row off of work. It was a much needed break. Since Kami has died, I have tried to stay busy. I think if I stay busy, I don't have to think about things so much. I know this has definitely helped me because I have not gone into the depression that so many people do after losing someone to suicide. I have made myself get up each day and carry on. When I do take time to reflect on losing Kami, I have gotten to the point where I don't feel that gut wrenching pain that I had the first couple of years. I am in a stage where I think about her every day and at times like being on the cruise, I noticed many things that Kami would have loved. We went to a turtle farm in Grand Cayman. The grand kids loved it. Kami would have loved it. She loved animals. Sometimes to death! When she was younger, there were a couple of times that we probably lost birds and lizards from her loving (squeezing) just a little too tight. Kami would have loved Jamaica also. She was a free spirit, just like they are in Jamaica. Ya Mon. She loved that kind of music also. Kami loved a variety of music. There was a lot of music on the cruise.
It was so much fun to spend time with the grandkids. I am the luckiest grandma on earth to have 3 of the best grand kids God could have blessed me with. They will not know their Aunt Kami. Lizzie and Melody remember her a little but Torsten was much to young when she died to remember her. It is those things that I feel sad for now. The fact that she is missing out on watching them grow up and for them not being able to know her. We have such a small little family. Only having two boys left and one not married yet. Our family get together's are very small. When I was growing up, my mom was one of six children and there was such a large extended family. Each holiday was filled with aunts, uncles, and tons of cousins. I miss those moments. The older you get the more you appreciate your family and realize that when you die, you can't take your stuff with you, only your memories and looking forward to meeting those again that have gone before you.
I am grateful we were able to take this vacation. It gave me time to reflect and realize that sometimes you just need to take some time to relax and to remember.
