You would think that after two years my heart wouldn't hurt so much. This has been a tough week. I have been thinking about that smile non-stop. I have cried more tears this past few days than I have in months.
I dream about trying to find her and I can't. I keep looking from room to room and I can't find her anywhere.
I look at other mom's with their daughters and my heart literally, physically aches. I feel cheated.
I am happy for others that have that daughter to lean on their shoulder or hug them. Last week I sat behind a mom and her daughter at church. The daughter had long blond hair and the mom was just playing with her hair. This was a grown up daughter. Just a little younger than Kami would be. I was envious of that mom. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have that blond hair to play with.
If I had it to do over, I would have played with her hair alot more, I would have smelled her to remember her smell, I would have taken so many more pictures. Make sure you do these things. You never know. Never in a million years did I think that I would be the mother of a daughter who took her life by suicide. Never in a million years did I know that a heart could literally be broken.
This is a depressing post but it is exactly how I feel. I miss my baby girl.
