Even though you are surrounded, you are still lonely!

I just had the opportunity of being in charge  of,  and attending our Rowley Family Reunion in Orem, Utah.  We had about 60 people show up and at least 1/2 of them were kids.  We had plenty of good food and activities to keep everyone busy.  Many of them said after it was over, "that was the best party they had ever been to".  We had volleyball, spikeball, kickball, soccer, baseball and we rented the soccer balls that you get inside can run into each other with. Human Soccer Balls It was...well, as you can see above...a ball!  So good to see family members that I have not seen for years.  It was fun to see all of the little girls that have grown into beautiful young women and the little boys into handsome young men.  Grandma and Grandpa had some good genes cause there are some really pretty people in the family!  Bud and I were lucky enough to get together with some old friends, and when I say old I mean old.  They are the same age as us.  These are people that we hung out with when we lived in Utah, and had kid's the same age as ours.  Now we are all proud grandparents.    We were sitting around talking and wondering how we got to be this old.  Life just keeps on moving.  Doesn't slow down or stop for anything.  When you have all of those people around you, you would think that your life is good, which it is.  I look at my friends and the relationships they have with their daughters and my heart aches.  For two reasons, because Kami is gone, and because she made it so hard to have that relationship while she was alive.    So many of the activities, I thought "Kami would love this".  The grandkids and I were in the pool in Marian's backyard earlier on Saturday and we saw some balloons go up in the sky and Lizzie and Mel both said, "I hope Kami can catch those".  I hope she caught them too.  I hope she was able to attend the family reunion in spirit.  Her loss was felt, just as missing all of the other's that have passed away or were just unable to be there because of the distance to travel.  In a perfect world, we could all be together.  I can't wait for that perfect world.

Support-Just like a good bra, if you don't have enough, you start to sag!

I just got back from Utah where we did the AFSP's campus walk in remembrance of Kami.  The overwhelming support that we received was AWESOME.  We had over 50 people in our group out of 222 total, and even a couple of dogs.  We had a lady that was 82 years young, and two ladies using walkers.  We had my aunt in a wheelchair with her husband pushing her the whole way, and there was a hill right off the bat! We had the most amazing tie-dye t-shirts.  Kami was a lover of the tie-dye.  We raised $1,016.00 for the prevention of suicide.  I had a friend fly over from Colorado to walk with us and friends that drove over two hours to get there.  There were neighbors we used to live by, family, and friends.  Everyone there, knew and loved Kami.  If only.....she could have believed that and felt the support while she was here.    I met with Greg Hudnall, the executive director of Hope4Utah, and I learned a lot about suicide and how we can recognize signs of someone who needs help.  He was the bishop of our ward and I was young women's president when Kami was born.  He looked exhausted.  I can't even imagine dealing with suicide on a daily basis.  I am exhausted and I have only dealt with a few in our family over the years.    I was supposed to meet with him and go to lunch, but we had to cut it short because a 17 year old had killed himself the day before and he needed to go meet with the family.  He has been associated with 44 suicides since he got involved with this as a principal at Independence High School in Provo.  He goes around and talks to groups, church, community, etc about suicide and I sat in on a presentation.  It was interesting to hear the questions of the group and the misconceptions of people.  One man asked "what kind of families do these kid's come from, is it our responsibility to take care of everyone"?  Well, I wanted to just go over and slap him right then, but Greg answered the question graciously and explained they had all come from "good" families.    These people that take their own lives, come from all walks of life, they have good families that love them and would do anything for them.  They have parents that would give their own lives if it meant they could get better and carry on.  It is an epidemic, there is no one cause and no one solution and to answer his questions.... yes it is our responsibility to take care of everyone.  Maybe if people would show a little more kindness and a lot less judging of others, the world would be a better place. 


It takes a community to raise a child and what an honor to be part of that community.  I only hope that by doing these walks, etc. it will help someone that is on the edge and feeling hopeless.  Thank you to everyone who has been such a support.  You will never know what it has meant!